Wedding Times

Photo by lu_lu

Coming up with a fair household budget may sound like a major buzz kill on the honeymoon romance but the truth is that money is the number one issue in marriage. If you can’t sort out your finances quickly, you risk landing yourself in marital trouble.

Don’t assume your new husband will take on certain financial responsibilities and don’t allow either of you to be blamed for any debt brought into the marriage. You married for love, not money. The important thing is to know where you stand financially, together as a married couple and that you determine a fair household budget to help you stay afloat.

Determine a Time Period that Works for You

Set the times that work for you, such as around pay days. Most budgets are worked out on a monthly basis but if you find it easier to deal with things in 2-week increments, do that instead. The concept works the same way, except that you will be basing all of your income and expenses, on a 2-week time period rather than a 4-week time period. Playing around with your budget a bit can make it work better for you and take pressure off of everyone.

Track Expenses

Once you’ve decided on a time period, use it to track your daily expenses. So if you decide on a biweekly budget, spend two weeks tracking every dollar that you spend. That means every dollar! If you buy coffee in the morning, write it down.

Once the time period is up, separate them into categories and put these categories into your budget. You can then budget for those expenses and determine which can be eliminated.

This is one of the biggest areas where it’s important to remain fair while drawing up your budget. There’s no reason why one person should be buying coffee every day on their way to work while another is scrimping and saving every dollar.

Some expenses you can’t track in the same way, such as household bills. However, these usually come at regular intervals so that you can use your previous bill to make an estimate of how much you will need to cover future bills.

Make sure you’re honest and clear about what you’re spending your money on and what expenses you are comfortable reducing or eliminating. Both of you need to be happy. Neither should have to sacrifice much more than the other.

It’s a Contract

It’s important to write your budget down. Not only does it help you stick to it but it makes you responsible to it, and to the other members of your household. Every person in the household needs to know the budget and where they fall within it and should they need to make adjustments, every other person in the household needs to be aware of, and in agreement with, those adjustments. Going against the budget once it’s already been determined only tells the other people in your home that you are disregarding their feelings, or their place within the budget.

Photo by Annie in Beziers

Even for the most liberal-minded couples, each person is going to enter a marriage with some expectation of what their role will be and what role their spouse will take on. You may think that these assumptions have been made, given the fact that you’ve each seen each other’s lifestyles and have an idea of what to expect from the other person, but the fact is that differences may arise, and if they do they will do so quickly.

Realizing the Difference is not an Attack

Perhaps you’ve always had a career and so you assumed that you and your husband both understood that you would keep that career once you were married and that you would then divvy up the household chores equally, both being working people. The problem comes when your new husband expected that you would keep your career but you would also do the dishes every night while he mowed the lawn every weekend. The problem is not in the big picture, it’s in the details and it’s a situation that even the most well-meaning couples and people can get into.

Although this is something that needs to be discussed and fixed, the problem is only aggravated if one party becomes defensive because they were given a role they did not ask for. The reason for the defensive reaction is simple. It may appear as though one of you is trying to make the other into something they’re not. While this is most definitely not the intent, it’s what it can seem like from the other side. Maybe you assumed that your husband would be taking care of the financial matters, (as that’s what was traditionally done) and your new hubby becomes upset because the assumption is there that he will be under the most pressure to provide for the family. Again, the difference of expectation is not an insult or attack in any way, it’s simply a mindset that one person had that the other doesn’t. The important thing is not to get upset and take it personally but rather talk about your expectations so that you can both try to fill each other’s while still remaining true to who you are as individuals.

Talk, Compromise, and Change your Thinking

When one has expectations that another feels they can’t, or shouldn’t have to, fulfill, the first thing that must be done is for both of you to change your thinking and begin talking about how you can compromise to make sure that you are both getting what you need from the marriage.

Once you’ve both realized that the expectation is not something that to should feel you have to live up to, that you won’t be judged if you don’t, and once you both start talking, fair compromise can take place.

Changing your name can be a wonderful way to recognize the union and commitment that was made between you and your new husband. However, first and foremost, changing your name is a legal issue and one that must be done properly to ensure that you’re new name is properly filed with the proper offices. Each city is different so you’ll need to check with your local city guidelines but there are some basic steps that apply to everyone. In addition to the legal issues, you also need to make sure that the people in your life are aware that you have changed your name and that you know how to handle this gracefully!

Before the Wedding

If you plan on changing your name it’s important that you let people know such as your family and wedding party. They can pass the word on should people ask about getting gifts monogrammed or engraved. You should also let your work know that you will be changing your name in case they need to change your email address or business cards.

After the Wedding

Once the ceremony is over you should file your paperwork regarding the name change as soon as you receive your marriage license in the mail. The first thing you should change is your Social Security card, which can be done by obtaining a form from their website or you can visit an office in your area and complete the paperwork there. Either way you need to take the form to the office yourself as well as your driver’s license or other identification, and the marriage license. You will then need to check with the DMV to see if they require your new Social Security card before changing your driver’s license. Some DMV’s only require the marriage certificate while others require your new card.

The rest of your paperwork can be done after this. You will first want to check with work in case they need documentation for changing anything else, such as financial information and for tax returns. You can then worry about your insurance company, the bank, credit card companies, utilities, and all other people and companies you do business with. For each of these, print off a form letter with the company’s name at the top and your new information including your new name, your address, and account number as well as your maiden name. Also remember to order new credit cards and checks that show your new name.

Getting Comfortable With It

It’s difficult to start going by a name different than the one you’ve carried your entire life but once you’ve changed your name it’s important that you start using it so that you can become accustomed to how it sounds. If people mistakenly call you by your maiden name, politely explain that you were just married and correct them with your new name.

Photo by SqueakyMarmot

The average wedding costs approximately $26,000. No wonder many couples find themselves entering their new marriage in debt. Money troubles are the number one cause of marital discord and you don’t want them hanging over your new marriage. Here’s how to enjoy your life as newlyweds free from the shackles of debt.

First determine how much money was given as a wedding present. Many guests give money rather than a registry item. Instead of using this money on your honeymoon, or on other things that you want to buy, save yourself some interest charges and put that money towards your debt as soon as possible.

Put off the honeymoon. Couples are beginning to do this more and more as they see the advantages of starting their life together with a good cash flow. If you really want to go away with your sweetie directly after the wedding, consider going to a bed and breakfast somewhere within the country above jetting off abroad. This is extremely romantic and allows you to enjoy some alone time together without driving yourselves further into debt.

Sit down with your new spouse and create a budget. Every penny you make cannot possibly go towards paying off your wedding as you still have all of your regular bills and living expenses as well. Creating a budget will tell you how much you can afford to pay every month and where that money will be distributed. After setting your budget, it’s extremely important that you stick to it.

When you are putting the figures down onto paper, see what loans have the highest interest rate. Usually these are credit cards with interest rates being as high as twenty-one percent! It’s important that you pay these off quickly otherwise, you will end up collecting huge interest charges every month and it will become increasingly harder for you to clear your debts. The next step is to pay off the loans with the largest amount. Decreasing the loan amount decreases your interest and the loan will become more reasonable, changing from the one that doesn’t seem as though it will ever be paid off to the one that can be paid off next month!

If the bills seem too overwhelming, seek professional help from a financial consultant. These people you can meet with to review all of your income and expenses and will help you allocate where your money should be going on a monthly basis. Remember an objective third party does not have the same emotional attachment to your money you do. Once they have given you a plan, make sure that you follow it.

The most important thing when it comes to wedding debt is not to argue about it. It makes it very difficult on a new marriage when you not only have money troubles but are also fighting over them. You both enjoyed a wonderful day and you’ve both got to determine how you’re going to pay for it, together. Getting into a game of “Well you needed the most expensive (insert item here)” isn’t going to help anyone and will just add fuel to an already blazing fire. You have a lifetime ahead of you, having to figure out how things are going to be paid for. Now is the time to find out how you work together to solve the problem.

Photo by angela7dreams

You may think that going on a honeymoon is just like going on any other vacation. Not really. It’s your first holiday away together as a married couple and your first opportunity to spend some real quality time alone together after your wedding. Here are five of the best travel tips for a great honeymoon.

1. Book Early

Although you may be all about wedding planning during the year or more before you’re the big day, you need to step back at some point and think about booking your honeymoon. The earlier that you book, the better chance you have of getting everything you want for the best price possible. When thinking about booking, consider everything that you need to reserve including hotels, airline tickets, and rental cars. When booking, casually mention that you are going on your honeymoon. Many of the people you are speaking to may want to do something nice for a pair of newlyweds and you may be able to receive some great perks because of it!

2. Get Your Paperwork in Order

If you are travelling abroad, make sure that you have all of your paperwork in order, including a current passport. As well as your paperwork, also make sure that you have all of your vaccinations if you are going somewhere that needs them.

3. Make Lists and Be Smart When Packing

Before putting one piece of clothing into a suitcase, make a list of everything you need. As you are making your list, also make a list of essential phone numbers and bring them with you in case something arises and you need to contact home quickly on your honeymoon. Pack in your carry-on some clothing that you will use on the first one or two days of your trip, depending on how much room you have. You may need to use these in case the airline loses your luggage.

4. Relax and Have Fun!

Just like your wedding, you need to prepare yourself in the event that something goes wrong. Surrender to the thought that some things are completely out of your hands and be willing to face it with a calm attitude. Chances are anything that goes wrong is fixable, so have fun with it and be willing to go with the flow.

5. Bring Home Memories

This is going to be the best time in your life so far and it would be a shame to leave it all behind. Bring home souvenirs that are very special to you and at least one that’s not from a gift shop. Leave the “Viva Las Vegas!” tee shirts for your family back home and bring home a jar of sand from your favorite beach instead.

Photo by chadmiller

There are few better ways to personalize your wedding and make it truly about the love shared between the two of you than writing your own vows. While this is an exciting thought for many, it can also be terrifying. In theory it sounds good but what do you say? Where do you start? And are you really going to be able to reveal your innermost thoughts and feelings to the large group of wedding guests sitting behind you? If you want to write your own vows, it can be done with just a little organization and a big heart!

The first thing you need to do is to talk to your future spouse and your ceremony officiant. Make sure it is what you both want and that it is actually allowed.

Once everyone is on board, sit down by yourself in a place with little distractions and start putting your thoughts down on paper. This is usually where people run into the most trouble. They know what they feel in their heart but they don’t know how to put that into words. To get yourself started, ask these questions:

• What do you think is the very best thing about your fiancé?

• When did you know that you were in love with him?

• What does this marriage mean for you and why are you doing it?

• Will anything change once you are married?

• What will remain the same?

• What is your favorite memory of the two of you?

Not all or any of the answers to these questions have to be in the final draft of your wedding vows but it will get your creativity flowing and will give you a good place to start from.
Now is the time to put all of your thoughts and ideas into coherent wedding vows. Write it out in sentences and then go back and organize them so that they flow more freely and are understandable.  Choose the best of what you’ve written and it will be easy to fill in any blanks that you notice might be missing.

Remember they are vows so it’s important that you make promises to your partner, not just reflect on the time that you have shared. Promise to be faithful, to make each other laugh and to spend the rest of your lives together. After some touching and perhaps funny anecdotes, it’s important to make this commitment to your fiancé.

Once you are happy with what your vows look like, practice by saying them out loud to a family member or a friend. It would be best if you could choose someone that reads or writes a lot as they will be able to pick up on the small details that may sound out of place. Once you have read it aloud to someone else, practice saying it over and over again to yourself. You will probably be very nervous on the big day and the more familiar you are with them, the easier it will be.

You can try and memorize them if you want but it’s really not necessary. Even if you do spend a lot of time practicing and you feel as though you have them memorized, always have them written down so that you can refer to them if your nerves get the best of you. Give the notes to your maid-of-honor so she can pass them to you subtly beforehand.

Even if you are an excellent public speaker, everyone gets a little nervous on their wedding day. Try to remain calm. Remember that no one is going to laugh at you or think that you are silly. Whatever you have written, it’s going to be truly touching to everyone present. Speak from the heart, take your time and it will all work out!

Photo by AMP PHOTO

No matter what the party is, everyone wants to have a good time and this holds especially true for weddings. Consider your guests when planning and they’ll look back on your wedding as one of the best they’ve been to.

Invitations

Just like everything else it seems, keeping your guests happy starts with an invite. It’s nice to include “and guest”, especially if someone doesn’t know many of the other guests. It gives them someone to spend their time with and will make them feel welcome. Don’t include and guest if you know your guests partner well or if they have been together for a long time. To avoid offence, use their name. For married couples address the invite to “Mr. and Mrs. ______”.

Short Waiting Times

Make your guests wait six hours between ceremony and reception and they won’t remember it fondly. While time is needed to take photos, touch up your hair and makeup and put the finishing touches to the reception hall, keep it to a maximum of two hours. Make people wait too long and they’ll loose their celebratory high.

Location, Location, Location

Make the instructions on how to get to your ceremony and reception clear. You don’t want your guests driving all over town trying to find their way around. It will just leave them grumpy. Try to hold your ceremony and reception in close proximity to each other to make matters easier.

Food

If you are holding your reception around a mealtime, expect to serve food. People will assume that they are eating at the reception if it’s right in the middle of lunch or dinner and if they come hungry and are not fed, it will cause problems. Be careful about the food you serve. Take your own preferences into consideration, but remember if you’re a fan of wildly exotic or rare foods, your guests might not fully appreciate it if they can’t recognize what’s on their plate.

Seating Arrangements

Seating charts can be a big stress factor when planning your wedding reception. There will always be people that don’t want to sit anywhere near other people. Try to be accommodating and separate those that you know will have issues. Guests that do not know many people can be sat together as conversation will be easier than if they were sat amongst a group of good friends.

Receiving Lines

Consider only having the bride, groom, and parents in the receiving line. This way, everyone will be able to offer their congratulations to the only people that need it and the reception can get underway quicker.

Keep Speeches Short and Sweet

Let your wedding party know you would like to keep the speeches short. Ask them to say a few kind words about you and your partner but leave out what you did each year since they met you in kindergarten. Explain to them that the guests will be more appreciative of this. There aren’t many people who like to speak in front of crowd so if they can get away with giving a brief speech, they will appreciate it too. Make the speeches early in the evening. People will drink more as the evening goes on and the more they drink the looser their tongues will be.

The Bar

Your guests will remember if they had to pay for their own drinks or not, guaranteed. Many people assume their drinks will be paid for. But it can be very costly to pay for one or two hundred people to drink all night. An alternative to having an open or cash bar is to have an open limited bar. Choose just a few beverages and pay for the guests to drink those.

If the thought of standing in front of a large group of people sends you into fight-or-flight mode, or if you just have no idea what to say in your maid of honor speech, the most important thing to remember with your maid of honor speech is that it comes from the heart and it clearly depicts the love and the happiness that you have for your friend and her groom. After that, it’s all details. But those details are still key and could be your stepping stone to the perfect maid of honor speech!

Do it Early

Prepare your speech at least 3 weeks in advance of the wedding so you can have lots of time to collect your thoughts, put it all out on paper, and have someone proofread it to make sure that it all makes sense! And don’t forget the dry runs – you’ll want to have plenty of those so when the time comes you’re not staring at a piece of paper but you’ll be familiar with the speech and really will speak more from the heart.

Your Ice-Breakers

There are many ways that you may want to warm up the room and start in on your speech but the best ways are to keep the focus on the bride, your friendship, and the times you remember sharing with her. You can tell a favorite childhood story or joke about how the groom better watch out because the bride has a certain habit, such as constantly reorganizing the fridge. Just be sure that the stories you tell are warm and friendly and from the heart and that you don’t divulge anything too, too embarrassing!

The Basics

Once you’ve set everyone at ease, it’s important that you take a moment to get serious. Thank the bride and groom for allowing you to be such a huge part of their day and tell them how happy you are for them. Speak of the love that the bride has for the groom and how happy the groom makes her. You can use words of wisdom to give them advice from the future, whether it’s from your own marriage, or your parent’s marriage, or you can use a verse or a quote to get your idea across. At the end, raise your glass and make your toast to them…and don’t forget to drink to your own toast!

Be Yourself

All that anybody asks of you during the speech is that you are yourself and that you offer a congratulatory word to the happy couple. Although personal anecdotes and stories are funny or sentimental and important to the speech, the main thing is that you really are yourself and talk about your relationship with the couple and their new relationship with each other. Don’t use words you normally wouldn’t and don’t think that you need to be a comedian or entertainer. Your there to support your friend and as long as that shines through, nothing else matters!

When you start thinking about what you want for your wedding favors, it’s important that you start with a few general ideas that you can do a lot with, narrow it down to a few choices, and then customize it to your wedding! The perfect wedding favors are ones that are beautiful, fun, and something that your guests will treasure! Remember, this is how your guests will remember your day for perhaps years to come so make sure that they properly reflect your wedding! Here are some ideas to get you started.

Candy and Chocolate

You can never go wrong with giving your guests some sweet treats and we’ve all been to a wedding where we received the small pastel mints wrapped up in tulle. This is a great wedding tradition but if you want to put your own twist on it, wrap up M&M’s that are of course, in your wedding colors, or use cinnamon hearts or Hershey Kisses. If you want to make this look a bit more elegant, buy small boxes and place inside 4 Belgian chocolates. Attach a small tag thanking your guests and word it something such as, “You’ve made our day extra sweet by being a part of it!”

Plants or Seeds

As the world continues to think about ‘Going Green’, plants and seeds are becoming more popular than ever as wedding favors. You can give your guests a package of seeds with a custom label that shows your photo, your names, and the date of your wedding or you can give them an actual plant! If you have a certain kind of plant at your wedding such as poinsettias for a Christmas wedding, you may consider giving miniature poinsettias with a custom label on the pot. For spring weddings, consider planting a seed inside of a small pot so your guest will be able to enjoy watching it grow!

Tea, Cocoa, or Coffee

You can buy Mason jars with screw-top lids (get the kind with metal wire for a real old-time look) and fill them with aromatic coffee beans or cocoa powder. If you fill them with cocoa, attach a bag of marshmallows wrapped in tulle so your guests can really enjoy it! Filling the jar with tea can also be a great way to give your guests a favor. Choose your favorite tea and buy the loose leaves then fill the jars up with them. Customize your label by printing brewing instructions on one side and your names and wedding date on the other.

Picture Frames

Picture frames make great wedding favors and there’s so much you can do with them! Buy simple and elegant frames and place your engagement photo in it or use them as a place card and then give them to your guests to take home! Or you can get keychain picture frames or magnet picture frames. These are generally inexpensive options that you can find just about anywhere!

If you have ever been invited to a wedding, you know there’s certain etiquette that comes with the territory and if you’ve never been invited to a wedding, it’s time to touch up on your wedding gift etiquette skills. Even if you don’t plan on attending the wedding, there are etiquette rules that must be followed and then factor in whether or not cash is appropriate and registry issues and it all becomes very confusing very quickly. Here’s our quick run-down on proper wedding gift etiquette.

About the Registry

One of the first questions that should come to your mind when you’ve been invited to a wedding is whether or not the couple has registered. This makes gift-giving super simple as they have told you exactly what they want and you’ll know you’re not buying a duplicate. The problem with registries is that many see them as impersonal so you are definitely within etiquette bounds to foray off the registry into something that they will always remember coming from you.

If you don’t know if the couple has registered or not, you can ask the bride’s parents or the members of the wedding party. Generally this info won’t be found on the invite and the couple will rely on word-of-mouth.

Money and Price

Wedding gifts can get expensive and you’re definitely not expected to go broke because your best friends got married. Pay what you can afford but you should expect to pay a little bit more if you brought a date to the wedding. Never take into consideration the style of wedding or reception they’re having. How much you spend on the wedding gift is about what you can afford, not them.

Many guests wonder if it’s appropriate to give cash as a wedding gift and it’s not only accepted and appropriate but it’s usually very welcomed! Make sure you do it properly though. Instead of handing the groom a fistful of cash at the reception, bring a cheque and quietly hand it to the best man or members of the family.

Timing

Once you’ve found the perfect gift, do not wrap it up and bring it to the wedding with you. If the couple has registered, they will provide an address where gifts can be sent and this can be done as early as several weeks before the wedding.

If you can’t attend the wedding or weren’t able to send a gift beforehand, proper etiquette states that guests have up until one year to send gifts. However, get the wedding gift as soon as possible and ideally before the couple returns from their honeymoon. This will prevent you from becoming ‘the guest who forgot the wedding gift’ – which is really poor etiquette.

To Send or Not to Send?

If you won’t be attending the wedding, etiquette states that you should still send a gift. After all, the gift is to symbolize your happiness for the couple, not an obligation because you received an invite.

Many couples choose to include, “No gifts, please,” on their invitations but don’t take this as law. It’s a nice gesture for the couple to make so that no one feels awkward about buying a gift but they’re not likely to refuse a small token of your congratulatory wishes, either.