Do it Early

Prepare your speech at least 3 weeks in advance of the wedding so you can have lots of time to collect your thoughts, put it all out on paper, and have someone proofread it to make sure that it all makes sense! And don’t forget the dry runs – you’ll want to have plenty of those so when the time comes you’re not staring at a piece of paper but you’ll be familiar with the speech and really will speak more from the heart.

Your Ice-Breakers

There are many ways that you may want to warm up the room and start in on your speech but the best ways are to keep the focus on the bride, your friendship, and the times you remember sharing with her. You can tell a favorite childhood story or joke about how the groom better watch out because the bride has a certain habit, such as constantly reorganizing the fridge. Just be sure that the stories you tell are warm and friendly and from the heart and that you don’t divulge anything too, too embarrassing!

The Basics

Once you’ve set everyone at ease, it’s important that you take a moment to get serious. Thank the bride and groom for allowing you to be such a huge part of their day and tell them how happy you are for them. Speak of the love that the bride has for the groom and how happy the groom makes her. You can use words of wisdom to give them advice from the future, whether it’s from your own marriage, or your parent’s marriage, or you can use a verse or a quote to get your idea across. At the end, raise your glass and make your toast to them…and don’t forget to drink to your own toast!

Be Yourself

All that anybody asks of you during the speech is that you are yourself and that you offer a congratulatory word to the happy couple. Although personal anecdotes and stories are funny or sentimental and important to the speech, the main thing is that you really are yourself and talk about your relationship with the couple and their new relationship with each other. Don’t use words you normally wouldn’t and don’t think that you need to be a comedian or entertainer. Your there to support your friend and as long as that shines through, nothing else matters!

Do it Ahead of Time

You don’t want to be in the limo or at the back of the church trying to scrawl out some thoughts for your speech. The best speeches are those that seem like they’re natural, off-the-cuff, and from the heart. The trick to delivering this kind of speech is that they take a long time to prepare. As soon as you’re asked to be the best man, start jotting down some thoughts for your speech and then add to them throughout the wedding planning process. Maybe the mother-of-the-bride told you a funny story from her childhood and the groom has a similar one. You can talk about how they were destined to be together before they even met.

Anecdotes

Telling stories of the bride and groom is always a sure way to get a laugh and to break the ice. It can make the guests feel closer to the couple and can give the couple some good times to think back on during their special day. Just remember to keep them funny and light-hearted, this is not the time for inappropriate jokes. Any jokes that will offend or embarrass anybody, even slightly, are off limits. This means no references to any of the bride’s or groom’s ex’s and no criticizing of the venue or food.

Your Well Wishes

Talking about what a positive difference the bride has made in the groom’s life can make her feel both flattered and included in what is traditionally a ‘boy’s story.’ Although you’ll spend a lot of your speech talking about your friendship with the groom, you also need to talk about the groom’s relationship with his new wife and how happy you are that they have found each other. You may want to make a joke such as, ‘Anyone who can put up with this guy for life has my whole respect,’ but make sure that it still comes from the heart and is a touching part of the speech.

The Toast

Tradition states that the best man at this point is to toast the bridesmaids. Many however are starting to mention the bridesmaids and how lovely they look just before they make their toast to the bride and groom. If you’d like to combine the two, you can state that you’d first like to make a toast to the bridesmaids. Say something such as, “Now, I can’t finish my speech without directing your attention towards some of the most beautiful ladies in the room…” and then toast them. You can then say, “And finally, a toast to the bride and groom…” and finish off with this toast.

Before the Wedding

You will start to see the chaos that wedding planning can set into motion as soon as the words ‘location’ or ‘guest list’ are mentioned. From this point on, you will be expected to go with the bride to look at different venues for the ceremony and reception, stuff and send invitations, sample cake (oh, shucks!), and visit florists, to name just a few things. There’s a good chance that the bride will want your opinion on just about everything and will greatly appreciate your second opinion and thoughts throughout the entire process. Be there to give these things to her, run any errands that she needs you to, and support her in whatever other way you can.

The bridal shower and the bachelorette party will be your main responsibilities during the pre-wedding process as these events will be hosted and planned by you. Feel free to enlist the help of the bridesmaids – they’re playing a supportive role too! You will also need to attend most, if not all, of the functions that come with wedding planning including the rehearsal ceremony and rehearsal dinner.

The Day of the Wedding

Here again you will be doing just about anything you can think of. The main thing is that you stay close to the bride and do whatever you need her to do, while trying to keep the peace at the venues. You can act as a go-between for the bridal party and the groom and his groomsmen as well as do small things like continue to check in with the caterer to make sure that everything’s going according to plan.

There’s not enough emphasis that can be placed on supporting the bride this day. Help her get dressed, do her hair or makeup, or drive her to hairdresser’s, and make sure that you’re constantly adjusting her train and her veil to make sure that she looks perfect at all times and more importantly – doesn’t trip!

The best man will walk you down the aisle just before the entrance of the bride. During the ceremony you’ll be expected to hold the bride’s bouquet throughout, hold the groom’s ring, and witness the signing of the marriage certificate. If there is a receiving line at the reception, you will also be expected to stand in the line and greet the guests. You will most likely also be expected to give a toast to the bride and groom at the reception, following the best man’s speech.

After the Wedding

Just because the vows have been exchanged and the bouquet and garter have both been tossed, doesn’t mean that your job is over! One of the jobs you’ll have is to make sure that the gifts are in order and that thank you cards are addressed and ready to be filled out upon the bride’s return from her honeymoon. You may also want to help with any last-minute details that need to be taken care of.

Witness the marriage certificate signing

This is sometimes done a few weeks in advance of the ceremony with a symbolic signing at the ceremony or there’s the ceremony signing alone. This duty is especially important if it’s done in advance because there won’t be so many people already gathered. Offer to do this at a time that’s convenient for them.

Coordinate the Attire for the Groomsmen

You are pretty much responsible for the groomsmen and this includes making sure they’re all dressed properly. Make sure they all show up for their fittings and bring rented tuxedos to the ceremony as well as arrange for getting them delivered back to the rental place the next day. Also make sure that they all know exactly what they need to wear including accessories. It might be a good idea to bring extra socks, belts, etc to the wedding. It will never be more obvious than moments before that something is missing.

Transportation

This is another duty that traditionally lies with the best man. Not only are you responsible for making sure the bride and groom have transportation from the ceremony to photographs, the reception, or anywhere else they’re going but you should also make sure that guests coming from out of town, especially if they’re family, have a way to get to the ceremony.

The Bachelor Party

This is the part you’ve been waiting for! Throw your friend the best party of his life to signify the end of his single life and really give you guys some time to just hang out with each other and spend some last alone, single time together. Although it’s often depicted on TV and in movies that the party is the night before the wedding, it’s wise to hold it a few weeks before the ceremony. This way no one is hung over on their wedding day!

Holding onto the Rings

Of course, it will be you that has the honor of passing the groom the ring during the ceremony. Make sure that you keep it in a place that it won’t fall out of (double check those pockets for holes!) and that it’s handy for when you need it most.

The Speech

The best man’s speech is a big deal so make sure you’re prepared! This is given at the reception and will let you give some final thoughts to your friend and his new wife.

Whatever your relationship is to the bride, whether you’re a sister, a friend, or the groom’s sister, you need to remember first and foremost that this is the bride’s day. In the end, she gets what she wants and there’s no way around it. But that doesn’t make being chosen as a bridesmaid a punishment or even something to dread. Planning a wedding is a very exciting time and as someone who will stand up for the bride, you’ll be directly involved in it! Here’s what you have to know so you can properly play the part.

Put your Party Face On!

One of the biggest responsibilities you’ll have as a bridesmaid is to attend all the social functions that come with the wedding. This is all part of the fun and the engagement party, the bridal shower, and the bachelorette parties are all chances for you to offer a helping hand and get to know other people that will be in the wedding party, or at least attending the wedding. Go ahead and have fun but always remember that the focus is always to remain on the bride and how you can help her.

The two most important events you will be required to attend are the rehearsal dinner and the bachelorette party. The rehearsal dinner is important so that you will know what’s going to happen the next day at the wedding and so you can spend some time with the wedding party before the big day. The bride will most likely also present you with your bridesmaid gift at this time. The other main event you will be required to attend is the bachelorette party and you may not only be expected to go but to also help plan it with the maid of honor.

Attire

It is tradition that the bride chooses the bridesmaids’ dresses but more and more brides are starting to allow their bridesmaids to choose their own after stating certain requirements (color, style, etc.) You may be lucky and get to pick your own but if you don’t, smile and say how happy you are to wear it. You will probably also be expected to pay for the dress, whether you chose it or not. This is also tradition and something that you must be prepared to do.

Your Supportive Role

Other than the major social life you’re going to be having after becoming a bridesmaid, and going on countless dress shopping trips, your main role will be that of a supportive one to both the bride and the maid of honor. You will really be helping in any way you can, whether it’s making phone calls or running errands, to help get ready for the wedding.

Bridesmaids play a very important role in the wedding and they do much more than precede the bride down the aisle. There is much you will be responsible for and a lot of things you will be expected to do. But it’s also important to always remember that it really is an honor to be chosen and it’s really an experience you should enjoy while it lasts!

Ushers vs. Groomsmen

When it comes to weddings, the words ‘ushers’ and ‘groomsmen’ are used interchangeably to identify the men that stand up for the groom. However, they are two different terms. The main responsibilities of ushers is to show guests to their seats as they arrive at the ceremony and to show guests out when the ceremony is over to prevent chaos. The main role of the groomsmen is to stand at the front and provide support for the groom as well as walk the bridesmaids down the aisle.

That being said, the groomsmen often fill in the role of usher as well, especially with larger weddings where ushers are necessary to instill order.

Playing a Supportive Role

Although you will most likely be the least involved of the wedding party in the actual wedding planning, the groom and the best man are counting on you to do your part and be involved. This means showing up on time for all the fittings and making sure you know what you will be wearing on the big day (shoes, socks, cufflinks, cummerbunds, etc.)

You also need to make sure that you show your support by doing whatever you can to make sure the day goes smoothly. This means getting to the ceremony well in advance, especially if you’re going to be escorting guests, and making sure that you’re properly dressed and have everything that the groom or best man has asked you to bring, if necessary.

Attending Wedding Celebrations

One of the most fun parts of being a groomsman is that it’s required that you go to the bachelor party! The best man may ask for your help in planning this although it will be mainly his responsibility. Make sure you know what the groom does or does not want for his party and respect his wishes.

More formal events that you will be required to attend are things such as the engagement party but the most important is the rehearsal ceremony and dinner. It’s especially important that you attend these events so you’re prepared for the next day and know exactly what’s going to be required of you.

As a groomsman, you will mostly be making sure that you can help out wherever help is needed and although this is a serious role to play in the wedding, it’s important that you have fun with it! Often, everyone else becomes so stressed about wedding planning that they rely on the groomsmen for a little comic relief!

The father of the bride speech traditionally is the first or one of the first speeches that is given. However, as wedding start to become more modern, couples are starting to use the father of the bride speech as a closer rather than an opener. Do whichever makes you and your daughter and soon-to-be son-in-law comfortable. Wherever your speech falls in the order of toasts, you’ll want to include the same basic elements such as welcoming the groom to the family and of course, gushing about how proud you are of your little girl and how happy you are for her. Here’s a basic rundown of things you may want to include in your father of the bride speech.

The Warm-Up

You’ll likely not want to start your speech gushing right off the bat. Using the first few moments of your speech to warm up the crowd and make small talk is a great way to set everyone at ease. You can comment on the weather and talk about how nice the ceremony was. Welcome the guests to the party and thank them for coming. Be sure to make particular mention of anyone who traveled a great distance to be there. It will make them feel honored and is a nice gesture when people have taken special effort to come and celebrate with you.

Welcoming the Groom and His Family

Part of your job as father of the bride is to welcome your new son-in-law to the family and also tell his family how happy you are that your kids brought all of you together and that you’re now all a part of each other’s lives. Making the groom’s family feel welcome is very important in easing everyone into the adjustment of having a new extended family. It’s also nice to mention to the groom’s parents how happy you are that your daughter found someone so kind and honest (or whatever character traits are most important to you), and that this is a reflection of the parents.

Reminisce on Past Times with Your Daughter

This is the easy part because you simply talk about all the things you will be thinking about that day. Talk about how you still remember bringing her home from the hospital like it was yesterday and go through your favorite memories with her throughout her childhood. Talk about how you’ve always only wanted her happiness, and you’re so glad she’s found it.

Look to the Future

Just as you looked back on the past, today is mostly a time for looking towards the future and it’s important to talk about this in your speech. You can joke about grandchildren or talk about how excited you are for them as they are about to share the very best times to come and are so happy you’ll be there for it all.

Finally….A Toast

Once everything has been said and you’ve welcomed all the appropriate people to your family and to the celebrations, (and maybe even teared up a bit!), it’s time for the toast. Raise your glass and announce that you like to sum it all up with a toast. Make the toast to the bride and groom and wish them love and happiness on this day that starts their lives together.

Deciding if You Will Pay

Traditionally the bride’s parents pay for the wedding but that tradition is also being seen less and less in today’s weddings. Talk to your husband and daughter together to decide who will be paying and if you will be paying for all of it, a portion of it, or none of it!

Wedding Planning

Even though your daughter might have most of the say in the details of the wedding, this doesn’t mean that you can’t be there with her for all the fun of picking it out! She’ll definitely want your opinions and advice just be sure to only give them when you are asked and that you’re not pushing your dreams of a perfect wedding on her. The aspects of wedding planning she may need help with are: preparing the guest list; ordering the stationery; sending out invitations and collecting RSVPs; helping the bride pick out her gown and bridesmaids’ dresses; arranging the reception; coordinating flowers and photographers; creating the seating plan; and acting as hostess, to name just a few!

Although many of your ideas will be different than your daughter’s, remember that it’s her wedding and it should go how she wants it, even if you are paying for it!

Your Dress

Choosing your dress will be one of the most important things you do on this day. Feel free to go all out and fancy it up as much as you can! Once you’ve decided on what you’re wearing, it’s nice to let the mother-of-the-groom know so that she can coordinate her outfit with yours and make sure you won’t clash (or end up wearing the same thing!)

On the Wedding Day

On the day of the wedding, you will traditionally ride to the ceremony with the bridesmaids, where you will all get ready. You may choose to get ready at home or somewhere else of the bride’s preference but it’s important that you help the bridesmaids get ready and then of course, help your daughter prepare for her big walk down the aisle. Try and do this with just the two of you in the room, it’s some very nice mother and daughter bonding time!

When you arrive at the church, you will be the last to be escorted to your seat and after the ceremony you will witness the signing of the marriage certificate along with your husband, the groom’s parents, and the rest of the wedding party. If there is going to be a receiving line at your reception, you will also stand first in line for this and after the couple’s first dance at the reception, you will then dance with the groom’s father.

Most of all, your role as mother of the bride is to be as supportive as you can to your daughter and help her enjoy her day as much as possible!

Become Involved with Wedding Talk

This doesn’t mean that you have to spend hours talking about the pros and cons of roses vs. lilies with the women but when wedding talk does come up, don’t automatically tune out. Although you may not care to be that involved with the frills and lace aspects of weddings, this is definitely a great time for you to share what you loved most about your own wedding and what tradition is in your family. No one will think that you’re pressuring them to use these ideas but don’t be surprised if at least one of them pops up into the wedding program!

The Rehearsal Dinner

This is traditionally the main role that you will play as father of the groom – hosting the rehearsal dinner (yes, that means paying for it too!) This is a great time for the family to relax before the big day and give toasts and exchange gifts. It may come at the end of wedding planning but it’s a very important event and one that you should pay special attention to.

Spend Time with the Groom and the Bride

Now will be your last chance to spend time with your son before he becomes the man of his own household so spend some time giving him your best advice and thoughts on marriage and talking about how marriage is a time for taking care of each other. Make sure he understands that he has your full support, both now and once he’s married.

Also be sure to spend some time alone with the bride. Maybe go with her to carry decorations to the hall or run her around on various wedding errands. As the saying goes, it’s not what you do, it’s the time you spend together that matters. It will not only give you a chance to get to know each other better but will also make her feel more comfortable as she’s about to become an official part of your family.

Then spend some time with both of them together! Joke about how she can’t enter the family until you’ve seen her golf skills and set up a game between them and you and your wife. It will be a fun afternoon away from wedding planning for everyone and you can become involved in a way that makes you feel comfortable!