Writing Your Own Vows: A No-Stress Guide
Photo by chadmiller
There are few better ways to personalize your wedding and make it truly about the love shared between the two of you than writing your own vows. While this is an exciting thought for many, it can also be terrifying. In theory it sounds good but what do you say? Where do you start? And are you really going to be able to reveal your innermost thoughts and feelings to the large group of wedding guests sitting behind you? If you want to write your own vows, it can be done with just a little organization and a big heart!
The first thing you need to do is to talk to your future spouse and your ceremony officiant. Make sure it is what you both want and that it is actually allowed.
Once everyone is on board, sit down by yourself in a place with little distractions and start putting your thoughts down on paper. This is usually where people run into the most trouble. They know what they feel in their heart but they don’t know how to put that into words. To get yourself started, ask these questions:
- What do you think is the very best thing about your fiancé?
- When did you know that you were in love with him?
- What does this marriage mean for you and why are you doing it?
- Will anything change once you are married?
- What will remain the same?
- What is your favorite memory of the two of you?
Not all or any of the answers to these questions have to be in the final draft of your wedding vows but it will get your creativity flowing and will give you a good place to start from.
Now is the time to put all of your thoughts and ideas into coherent wedding vows. Write it out in sentences and then go back and organize them so that they flow more freely and are understandable. Choose the best of what you’ve written and it will be easy to fill in any blanks that you notice might be missing.
Remember they are vows so it’s important that you make promises to your partner, not just reflect on the time that you have shared. Promise to be faithful, to make each other laugh and to spend the rest of your lives together. After some touching and perhaps funny anecdotes, it’s important to make this commitment to your fiancĂ©.
Once you are happy with what your vows look like, practice by saying them out loud to a family member or a friend. It would be best if you could choose someone that reads or writes a lot as they will be able to pick up on the small details that may sound out of place. Once you have read it aloud to someone else, practice saying it over and over again to yourself. You will probably be very nervous on the big day and the more familiar you are with them, the easier it will be.
You can try and memorize them if you want but it’s really not necessary. Even if you do spend a lot of time practicing and you feel as though you have them memorized, always have them written down so that you can refer to them if your nerves get the best of you. Give the notes to your maid-of-honor so she can pass them to you subtly beforehand.
Even if you are an excellent public speaker, everyone gets a little nervous on their wedding day. Try to remain calm. Remember that no one is going to laugh at you or think that you are silly. Whatever you have written, it’s going to be truly touching to everyone present. Speak from the heart, take your time and it will all work out!
